The Bra, the Boyfriend… and the Uneven Breasts

By Diana on December 1st, 2010

My boyfriend recently told me he’d like me to show more cleavage.

“What, are you 80 years old or something?” he asked after I’d opted, yet again, to wear one of my full-coverage empire waist dresses.

“But I hate when people look at my boobs and not my face,” I retaliated.

He looked at me as if I had just spoken in foreign tongues.

“Get over it,” he said.

Best. Bra. Ever.

I decided to take his advice and get over it. For the most part, it was because I’m not 80 – I’m a lot younger. And if now isn’t the time to be ogled, when is? I decided I’d show off my new look at a birthday party we had planned to attend. I already had the dress – a trendy mini with animal print top. For the bra, I opted for the Fashion Forms Convertible U-Plunge Bra. It was the perfect combination of plunge and cleavage – a look I often admire on others but never thought to try for myself. So I bought the bra, tried it on with my dress and after patting myself on the back for a boob job well done, I decided to show my boyfriend the new look.

I was excited to say the least.

“Baby. Oh my GAWD. You’re going to LOVE what I’ve got in store for you. You won’t even be able to handle the cleavage.”

“Okay! Show me,” he said.

I put on my best “sexy face” and sauntered into the living room.

My boyfriend is the type of guy who will actually look at me before he tells me I look nice. I stood there as he looked at me and I continued to stand there as his look turned into confusion.

“They’re crooked,” he said.

Luckily for him I wasn’t in an emotional mood and just asked for him to elaborate.

“I never noticed how much bigger the left one was. They’re just crooked. The left one is sticking out, the right one…isn’t.”

I couldn’t be mad at the guy – he was right. My left breast has always been an overachiever. She has always been a curious gal, peeking out whenever she could to see the world outside the Lycra. The right one – not so much. Righty has always been shy, hiding as if there is danger lurking in every corner. She is a runt but I love her nonetheless.

After finicking with my cleavage and attempting to set the misbehaving children straight, I gave up and plopped on the couch.

“I dare you to find a chick that isn’t crooked,” I told him.

He nodded his head in understanding because it was true. No woman, unless surgically enhanced, has even breasts. Some may have bigger differences than others but at the end of the day, evenness is not standard. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that because that’s how it is and I won’t spend time worrying about something so petty. Because let’s be honest, he didn’t even notice until I put it on display.

I ended up wearing another dress – one that agreed more with symmetry. (And one that showed less cleavage.) At the end of the day, no body is perfect and nobody is perfect. Sometimes you just have to play the hand you’re dealt.

And sometimes you don’t. If you have uneven breasts and are interested in a solution, visit our uneven breast solution page. If you’d like to speak to one of our bra specialists, feel free to e-mail us with your questions or call Linda’s expert fit hotline at 1-888-262-4887. We’re here to help you and no question is too small…or uneven!

Uneven Cleavage...that doesn't belong to me